It’s been 3+ months since our little boy was born. And since God’s promise of a daughter was not fulfilled (yet), I knew I needed to wait for some time before I wrote about it. I needed the space to talk with the Lord, to deal with the confusion and to not put my own interpretations into it all. I desperately wanted the Lord to write this story in His words. Before I write anything more though, I must preface this very strongly I LOVE OUR LITTLE BOY and am so glad to have our Three Musketeers! The short poem I wrote at our gender reveal back in the summer still holds very true:

 When God gives a promise, we know it is true,

But things come along that shake our faith’s view.

One day when the Lord gives us the girl He has promised,

We’ll love her, rejoice and cry…let’s be honest!

But today we embrace with love and cheers,

That we will be forming our own Three Musketeers!

While we still don’t understand all that God’s doing,

His promise endures and our faith He’s renewing.

Our third little boy has a story God holds,

And our journey continues as each chapter unfolds.

Now to tell a few jagged pieces of the story and how it is unfolding so far at this point. My struggle has never been about the gender of our baby, I knew I would love our baby no matter what. The struggle was always about God’s promise. But what I have been learning throughout the process is how much of my human weak areas played heavily into it all as well. I knew I never wanted to go through pregnancy or infancy stage ever again and so I had given God an ultimatum unknowingly that basically this child was it…You have to fulfill Your word in this child, or You can’t at all. I placed Him in a box and said You can only be God in this way. And for that He is correcting me. I feel like the pot on the potter’s wheel as He is pushing down and reforming the areas that were hardened or cracked. Pride and other areas must be fully removed and this story in the way it is unfolding is certainly doing just that. As for all the things that I heard Him speak over the past couple years, I had to comb through every single word and sit down with Him over those to ask the tough questions, “Was this You or me? Did I hear You or was I listening to other voices, maybe even my own hopes?” And as I have done so, the Lord has shown me again that I had heard His voice clearly through the whole process I just made some assumptions along with it. While I might not understand it all yet, the girl nursery and girl gifts are not for nothing. Even when I was ready to give all the girl stuff away, I knew I was to still hold on to them and keep them close. We had all the boy things needed if we had a boy, but we did not have girl things so now we are prepared. I have no idea how it will play out whether the Lord will suddenly place a daughter in our hands through adoption and we will need those girl things quickly or if it will be through pregnancy yet again and in a way that we don’t expect. Whether it will be quick or years down the road, I have no clue and I’m learning more so now to stop trying to figure out exactly what and how He will do things. While I wish I could say I look forward to how He fulfills this promise, I honestly look towards that day with great intrepidation because of how tough the pregnancy, delivery and infancy stages have yet again been immeasurably hard for me. But the future is entirely in His hands, we are certainly not trying or looking for more children…anything that happens will be incredibly miraculous and clearly the Lord and He will also have to provide the financial means to support this growing family. But in the end, I know that He will fulfill His promise in His time.

As for our little Wesley-Pono as I call him (the rest of the boys call him Ka’imi), I have felt an overwhelming sense of anointing upon him that I can’t explain and don’t know what that will even look like. It was interesting that before he was born, we had gone back and forth with the order of his name if we had a boy and finally settled on it the week before. With the other children’s names, we were always super aware of the initials and wanted to make sure they didn’t spell anything. But for some reason, with Wesley, we never paid any attention to the initials. And when he was born and we wrote his information down, it was the first time we realized it spelled out WAKE and God made it clear to us in that moment that this story is still all a part of His plan, and that Wesley is still very much a part of telling what He is doing in the nation. In a woke culture, God is waking His church and the world up. I had also laughed at the fact that all of our children have strong name meanings but when we came to Wesley’s full name (Wesley Arthur Ka’imipono) we had a bear from the west meadow seeking after righteousness! I thought we had goofed up in that area, but recently I was listening to Jonathan Cahn again about The Oracle and about some men whose names mean lion and young lion and how significant those names were. In that moment, the Lord said, “You think it was a goof and that you didn’t think fully through it, but I planned his name for a specific purpose. His name is part of his destiny.” It sent chills down my spine and gave me such a wonder over this mystery that God will unfold in His time.

So, while this story seemed it was to have an ending at the birth in my own human perspective and understanding, this story is far from the end and God has so much more to say through it all. Since Wesley was born, I have received a few glimpses here and there as to what God is saying so far through the confusion, but it is not the timing for me to share all those. However, what I can share is that it reflects how the church is holding on to God’s promise and it seems to be disappointed time and time again, and there has been continued confusion. But God is not done. He still will fulfill His word; it may look like a delay, but it is all a part of His ultimate plan and it will unfold perfectly and with great amazement. As for me, I am letting God do His work without placing an expectation or putting Him in a box on how He is to do anything in our nation or our family. That verse He gave me before Wesley was born from Hebrews 10:35-36 is still very much strong in my spirit “So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that He has promised!” as well as the verse about Mary: “Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her!” (Luke 1:45) The reins are His, I am simply yielding fully and just standing my ground to war over our nation in many ways that she will return to her foundation in Christ once again. That she will wake up and place God (Jesus Christ only) once more on the throne of our nation. And in the process learning way more about the fruit of the spirit: patience!